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Saturday, October 27, 2012

Halloween 2012

             So we have been here in the town of Grundy, Virginia for 3 months now and Halloween is rapidly approaching.  The kids are doing great in school, in fact by the Texas grading system they would both have straight "A's", however our school system grades slightly different and although to me they both made straight A's, David actually made A's and B's. 
              I am doing good in school, I think, we don't actually get grades this year, we get a proficiant, non-profiecant, or fail.  We had a mid-term in Real Properties and in Torts.  The end of this first semster is rapidly approaching and I am feeling good about it.
              Today I talked to a dear old friend, who was not aware of everything that had transpired in my life over the last year and a half.  He asked me a question that I honestly didn't have to stop and think about for the first time in my life.  He asked me if I was happy.  I was able to answer him quickly, and honestly that for the first time in a very long time I was truely happy.  I don't feel the need to conform to someone elses standards, I don't feel that I have to live up to everyone elses expectations of me.  The people I am talking about are not even able to see this posting so if you are reading this it is not you I am talking about ;)
              I truely feel that this move may have been the best possible thing I could have done for myself and my children (yeah mom I know you are here to :) but you decided to come with me they had no real choice).  I am still not sure as to what I will be doing when I graduate, or where I will be heading to take the Bar exam but I do know that wherever it is it will be someplace for me.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Changes

Ok so I mentioned in a previous posting about an urge/call for change, well here we go.  On July 6th mom, my 2 kiddos and myself will be leaving Texas for Virginia.  I have been accepted into the Appalachian School of Law and will be there for 3 years. 

Over the last 3 months I have sold off my wonderful goats, my chickens and most of the household items to make this move possible.  In June I was divorced from the man I thought was my soul mate.  apparently he didn't feel his vows were as strong as I did.  Anyway.....

I will post our trip to Virginia and information about our new town as we go along.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

The hardest Month of my life by far

I would have to say that January is now ranked up there as the hardest month of the year for me for awhile. Last year we lost Nana in January, Papa's Birthday is in January, and this year we lost Dad in January. Yes Dad passed away January 3, 2012 he got his extra year and then some. Life is hard, in fact I caught myself a couple of times today on emails thinking that I needed to forward that to Dad because he would get a kick out of it, then the truck was acting up and I started to pick up the phone to call him and literally had his number pulled up and was about to dial it.
It's gonna be real hard but we will make it!! I love you Dad, I Love you Nana and miss you both dearly.

Friday, December 30, 2011

2012 and the resolutions

Well, wow 2011 is rapidly coming to an end and what do we have to show for it? WELL.....
1. We have the new farm/ranch which came with some wonderful neighbors.
2. We have seen our Goat herd increase and decrease but we are still thriving.
3. We have survived losses, both physically and emotionally.
4. We have moved closer to the end of school.
5. Life's lessons have been hard and scary, as the upcoming changes in life will show.
For 2012 I pray that we can move forward and start anew. I have heard many people talk about having a calling, a need or desire to do something for no rational reason at all and honestly I have brushed it off and thought to myself "yeah right, the only reason you are doing this is to prove you can or to shock everyone", But here goes, I have a pull to change my life for what I hope to be the better. I will be graduting in May and will begin looking for a job shortly there after. This job search was originally limited to our local area, however I have an urge to look outside of our state. Yes, I want a change but this need/calling has been growing for the last few months, yet I have fought and resisted it. Then tonight while mom and I were sitting here talking I mentioned the need to start over and she looked at me with the straightest face and said she was still feeling the pull to NC, which is strangely enough where I have been dreaming of, thinking of, being pulled to.
I do not know what will happen, I do not know why it will happen, all I do know is that this change is needed and if I do not follow through with it nothing will ever satisfy me until I do.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The count down may be starting over.


We have made it to December, almost a whole year without Nana. I knew the pain would abait but the emptiness would continue for awhile. As we approach the 1 year anniversary of her passing, I am once again struck with the pain of loss.
My dad has been fighting lung Cancer since September of 2010. This battle was going great until October of this year. He had a set back that resulted in the Dr's preforming some more testing, the results of this testing were not good. The Cancer has moved into his brain. Today we are at an impass in life. The joy of asking God to welcome him back home and the pain of our loss here on earth.
There are so many things I could say right now, but the biggest would be "God, please take this pain from my family and open your arms to him so that his pain may stop. Please, Lord do not make him to suffer anymore than he already has. Dad has lived a long and full life, and although we would love to have more time to spend with him here on earth, please Lord I pray that your will be done as you see fit."
This pain is enormous as you see I lost my Daddy to lung cancer 13 years ago, and to watch my Sister and Brother go through this has opened old wounds and brought the pain forward again, 10 fold. I know that God has a plan and a reason for everything that he does, but to see this man, who has only been a part of my life for the past 13 years, in fact 13 years ago this month is when I found the man I proud to call my dad.
Let me start over, I am one of the lucky ones to have had a Daddy and a Dad. My Daddy was the man whose name I carried growing up, who chose me as his child, raised me as his own and loved me unconditionally for 19 years that he and momma were married before the cancer took him. The year he died I gave birth to my oldest child, who subsequently had some major health issues that required me to locate my natural father. We have since built a relationship that has grown through the years.
Right now I just want to scream, yell and hit things. I want to fall off the wagon, I want to crawl into a bottle from the pain I feel of losing both my Daddy and now my Dad. I am once again angery but I am not for once angery with God, for I know now that he does all things for a reason no matter what we might think or what we might feel needs to happen. I know that Dad is in the Lords hands now and will soon be wrapped in his arms and welcomed by those who have gone before him into our lord and saviors home. I am comforted by the thought that these 2 great men in my life will finally meet, and all I can pray is that I have made them both proud.
I can't help but feeling like I never said it enough, which I know I didn't because we didn't have that type of relationship. But Dad, I love you and will miss you deeply but I am comforted in the knowledge that I will see you again in the home of our Lord.
This song truely reflects the relationship that my Dad and I have/had.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Earthquake!!!

OK so last night about 1/8 of a mile from my house we had a 2.7 earthquake. I know that is not very big to some of you but to us Texans it is huge!!! Especially being that close to my house.
Out of curiosity and the fact that I firmly believe that these earthquakes that we have been seeing in an increase number in our region of the United States are a direct result of the Fracking that has been going on I decided to do some research. Now please note that this is just preliminary research and what I could find rapidly on-line but I will be digging further into this to see exactly how right I and several others are in the belief.
We do have a couple of good size fault lines running through Texas, for the most part they have been inactive for a really long time, estimates vary from 15-20 million years from what I read. I know the USGS has increase seismic testing in the Tarrant, Dallas, and Johnson county areas over the last year so if the faults are becoming active again we will at least have some early knowledge of it. Now that being said, I have one thing to say: before they started all of this drilling/fracking there had been about 50 small seismic reports from 1996-2006 since the drilling or fracking has started we have had almost the same amount in a 2 year span and if you look at the concentration on the USGS maps most of the seismic activity has been centered around major drilling operations. country wide we have also experienced a jump of 4000+ from 2009 to 2010 (when most of the drilling increased)

Monday, November 28, 2011

Thankfulness

24 years ago tonight we lost one of the greatest men I have ever known. My papa passed away. I have often sat and wondered what my life, and others in our family's lives would have been like had he not left us when he did. Papa, I know you are watching over us all, I would like to think you are sitting around with Nana and Daddy talking about how if you could you would kick all of our asses right about now. Well I am thankful for having grown up with all of ya'lls influences.
This is supposedly the season for being thankful for what you have, for forgiveness and good wishes. As we move into this holiday season I have to say I am thankful for a lot of people, those still in my life who bring me joy and make me feel loved, and those who have chosen to leave my life, either by God's hand or by thier own choice. Those who left by God's hand are missed and still loved, the ones by their own accord I must say thank you to, for without this I woul dnever have known many of the truths that I know today. I would never have known how truely stronge I can be on my own. I am stronge, I am still growing and I am me!!!
I am thankful for the chance to be my children's mother, I am thankful for having the mother that I have, the one who has never given up on me no matter how many times I messed up. I am thankful for being able to raise my children in the way I want to.
There are plenty of things that I could ask forgiveness for, but I have already made amends with the ones that I needed to, I have already asked for God's forgiveness for the times I have strayed and I will not ask for forgiveness to the ones who wronged me for once, I am no longer the one to do the apologizing. I am stronge, I am still growing and I am me!!!
I wish everyone, friend, family and foe alike good will in thier travels and adventures through life. I wish no ill to fall upon those who would wish it upon me as they are the ones who need guidence the most. My life has changed yes, my life will continue to change, I will continue to grow, I will continue to be me and no one will change that.
You can either travel this road beside me or stay behind, however I hope I know the ones that will be traveling with me and the ones that will be staying. I am me, finally I have found me, no longer will I ask who am I, where am I going, where have I been. I know all of this and I know that the only one to change that will be me, through the guidence of God.