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Friday, December 30, 2011

2012 and the resolutions

Well, wow 2011 is rapidly coming to an end and what do we have to show for it? WELL.....
1. We have the new farm/ranch which came with some wonderful neighbors.
2. We have seen our Goat herd increase and decrease but we are still thriving.
3. We have survived losses, both physically and emotionally.
4. We have moved closer to the end of school.
5. Life's lessons have been hard and scary, as the upcoming changes in life will show.
For 2012 I pray that we can move forward and start anew. I have heard many people talk about having a calling, a need or desire to do something for no rational reason at all and honestly I have brushed it off and thought to myself "yeah right, the only reason you are doing this is to prove you can or to shock everyone", But here goes, I have a pull to change my life for what I hope to be the better. I will be graduting in May and will begin looking for a job shortly there after. This job search was originally limited to our local area, however I have an urge to look outside of our state. Yes, I want a change but this need/calling has been growing for the last few months, yet I have fought and resisted it. Then tonight while mom and I were sitting here talking I mentioned the need to start over and she looked at me with the straightest face and said she was still feeling the pull to NC, which is strangely enough where I have been dreaming of, thinking of, being pulled to.
I do not know what will happen, I do not know why it will happen, all I do know is that this change is needed and if I do not follow through with it nothing will ever satisfy me until I do.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The count down may be starting over.


We have made it to December, almost a whole year without Nana. I knew the pain would abait but the emptiness would continue for awhile. As we approach the 1 year anniversary of her passing, I am once again struck with the pain of loss.
My dad has been fighting lung Cancer since September of 2010. This battle was going great until October of this year. He had a set back that resulted in the Dr's preforming some more testing, the results of this testing were not good. The Cancer has moved into his brain. Today we are at an impass in life. The joy of asking God to welcome him back home and the pain of our loss here on earth.
There are so many things I could say right now, but the biggest would be "God, please take this pain from my family and open your arms to him so that his pain may stop. Please, Lord do not make him to suffer anymore than he already has. Dad has lived a long and full life, and although we would love to have more time to spend with him here on earth, please Lord I pray that your will be done as you see fit."
This pain is enormous as you see I lost my Daddy to lung cancer 13 years ago, and to watch my Sister and Brother go through this has opened old wounds and brought the pain forward again, 10 fold. I know that God has a plan and a reason for everything that he does, but to see this man, who has only been a part of my life for the past 13 years, in fact 13 years ago this month is when I found the man I proud to call my dad.
Let me start over, I am one of the lucky ones to have had a Daddy and a Dad. My Daddy was the man whose name I carried growing up, who chose me as his child, raised me as his own and loved me unconditionally for 19 years that he and momma were married before the cancer took him. The year he died I gave birth to my oldest child, who subsequently had some major health issues that required me to locate my natural father. We have since built a relationship that has grown through the years.
Right now I just want to scream, yell and hit things. I want to fall off the wagon, I want to crawl into a bottle from the pain I feel of losing both my Daddy and now my Dad. I am once again angery but I am not for once angery with God, for I know now that he does all things for a reason no matter what we might think or what we might feel needs to happen. I know that Dad is in the Lords hands now and will soon be wrapped in his arms and welcomed by those who have gone before him into our lord and saviors home. I am comforted by the thought that these 2 great men in my life will finally meet, and all I can pray is that I have made them both proud.
I can't help but feeling like I never said it enough, which I know I didn't because we didn't have that type of relationship. But Dad, I love you and will miss you deeply but I am comforted in the knowledge that I will see you again in the home of our Lord.
This song truely reflects the relationship that my Dad and I have/had.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Earthquake!!!

OK so last night about 1/8 of a mile from my house we had a 2.7 earthquake. I know that is not very big to some of you but to us Texans it is huge!!! Especially being that close to my house.
Out of curiosity and the fact that I firmly believe that these earthquakes that we have been seeing in an increase number in our region of the United States are a direct result of the Fracking that has been going on I decided to do some research. Now please note that this is just preliminary research and what I could find rapidly on-line but I will be digging further into this to see exactly how right I and several others are in the belief.
We do have a couple of good size fault lines running through Texas, for the most part they have been inactive for a really long time, estimates vary from 15-20 million years from what I read. I know the USGS has increase seismic testing in the Tarrant, Dallas, and Johnson county areas over the last year so if the faults are becoming active again we will at least have some early knowledge of it. Now that being said, I have one thing to say: before they started all of this drilling/fracking there had been about 50 small seismic reports from 1996-2006 since the drilling or fracking has started we have had almost the same amount in a 2 year span and if you look at the concentration on the USGS maps most of the seismic activity has been centered around major drilling operations. country wide we have also experienced a jump of 4000+ from 2009 to 2010 (when most of the drilling increased)